IT STILL HURTS

Nine years ago today, the cold hand of death snatched my grandfather from us. I remember vividly, that morning when you were put on the oxygen machine to support your breathing, but you gave up.It still hurts,

Reflecting on the years gone by, when you would hold my hand and teach me how to walk. How you insisted I get enrolled in school at the age of five.How you would carry me on your shoulders and take me to school because I couldn't walk properly. How you would come to pick me after school and take me home. How you used to sing for me and tell me old tales. How you used to comb and plait my hair.To think you are no more. It hurts.

The advice you gave me about school I still hold dear. How you used to motivate me and encourage me to stay positive in life no matter the situation. I still remember everything and now I always paid attention to detail just as you taught me.
How you encouraged me to go to church, I am still going strong. You taught me how to smile and discover myself. I wish you were here to witness how my smile is healing people.I wish you were here to see how your counsels have built me.

I have a lot of things to tell you, things I should have said way back when you were here.I miss the laughter, the joy, and the wisdom you shared.If only I could turn back the hands of time...I would. Its hurts grandpa. Its easy for people to say "Maggie, just live on" when I'm dying every second that you are gone. I push myself on, to be strong for grandma, but it still hurts.

I remember the first day I wrote my first words from school, you told me to continue writing and to never let my words die, even if my hopes sometimes do. I write now, don't let my voice fade,  I yell when I need to, I whisper when its necessary.I speak when am supposed to, grandpa, you raised a warrior.

Grandpa, the lesson you taught me about humility is what I live by now. It has helped me very much in life. Thank you.  But to think you are no more, still hurts.

I wish you were still here, to see how I have grown. The little girl you raised is now a full grown woman, with big responsibilities in society.

Its been rough in the past nine years, its been hard but God has been faithful. And here I am today,with your counsels, lessons, love and encouragements, managing and pressing through this burning world.

And today, I hope to honor your memory in the way I live and love.
And I will forever live to honor your dream. It shall live again even though you are gone.I  hope to make you proud, even if you’re no longer here to see it. IT WILL FOREVER HURT.

PUSH ON.HOLD ON

It is said:"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards." Whatever setback you encountering, do not loose hope because it will land you in something great and beautiful and it is only then that you will understand. Hold on. Push on.

RISE UP

Rise up.And live to fight another day.
Get up and face the situation
You are a warrior
And this is your war
Fight it.

MUSIC OF A SAD MAN

A tale of loss, music and hope.

Every evening, he would sit in a coffee shop which was in the corner of his area. He always had a sad face. He would sit in the coffee shop, watch people pass on the nearby street, take his coffee slowly but surely. Days, weeks, months went by.
There was one strange thing about this man, he wore the same clothes for months, and he moved with a guitar. After sipping on the coffee, he would turn to his guitar and play, sad, slow music. He would play it in a very low tone. Bringing people's emotions, sadness and depression to life. People would come round him and listen to his songs, some would cry, others would laugh at him saying he doesn't have a life, some would say he is mad, others would just  look on.

One day, a young lady approached him from the crowd, she said "excuse me sir," "Yes" he replied, the young lady continued, " sir," cleared her throat "I always come here every evening to listen to your music, and am forced to ask, why do you come here everyday, don't you have a family to spend time with?" The man's eyes were filled with tears, but had to compose himself and replied the young lady. "you see my dear, the music is my family and this guitar is my friend." "I don't understand" said the young lady. "It was a brighter day some years back, and I kissed my pregnant wife goodbye, she was going to visit her sick mum in the next town. That was the last time I saw her as she died in a fatal road accident. From that time my world has been black, as my wife was my light, my reason to work hard and to smile. But she is no more. I could never have the chance to see our daughter she was carrying,  my load is heavy." He then gave a painful smile. The young lady held him by the hand and said don't worry sir, there is hope.

It is always important to confront people and know why they do certain things, DON'T JUDGE from afar.Get closer, you might just be the strength they need. Do not Judge. 

WOMAN

In African tradition, when a male child is born, the whole village celebrates
Ululations all around, dances and music everywhere
Drums, harps and different instruments being played
Because a lion has been brought in the world

A male child is considered the strength of the community
In every African home, a male child is the pride of the family
Important decisions lie on the shoulders of a male child
Hence, they are told they are breadwinners
Responsible head of the household
They are leaders
Men are anti-feminine, they are told,
They should conceal their emotions
Men are expected to have high status and confidence
They are violently tough and physically strong
The carry the family name unto next generations
What about women?
Their births come with so much silence
They grow under a different world
They are meant to believe they are weak
Society has convinced them that they are dependent
They are inferior
They can not be leaders
But wait!
Has one thought for a moment that lionesses are the ones that feed their prides
Equally women have been the main drivers of most economies, they are reliable, productive
They are good in management but they are denied opportunities.
They are efficient distributors of goods and services within the household and the world at large
They are strong emotionally, because they hold in so much

My father did not have a son
But I will still keep his name with me
His name is my inheritance
I will give it  to my children
And his legacy will continue to live on
His name will not die
Just because I am a woman

I am a woman, I matter
A woman, God's gift to the  world
A gift to everyone
I am a wonder.

BEHIND MY SMILE

Almost everyone, though smiling,they are fighting different battles you know nothing about. Don't judge, be humble and care.

Behind my smile
You see a beautiful girl
A cheerful person
A friendly person
A girl so courageous

Behind my Smile
You see strong woman
Who never relents

Behind my smile
You see a heart for the people
A hand to the needy

BUT
Behind my smile
lies a broken dream
A dream I held in my hands
But not any more
I try to pick the pieces
of a once perfect dream
Remembering before
I smile.

Behind my smile
Is a voice that needs to be heard
All the injustices experienced in this life
My voice wants to scream
My head wants to explode
But I am helpless
I smile.

Behind my smile
Lies the pain I silently keep inside
Behind my smile lies a broken heart

And behind my eyes is a hope
A peace that it will be okay
A joy that it is well.
Keep smiling, Keep healing.

THOUGHTS FROM MY OLD DIARY

  I realize how hard it is to find love in University but along side academics, life should go on.

Sometimes, the University makes it so hard to fall in love
When the morning unwraps
Campus roads crowded
People running about their businesses
Streets are full, hearts are restless
Turning every moment into a battle field
No one pays attention
To any single emotion
Everyone is in a race to achieve
A heart, no one is willing to give
The battle is still on
Trying to bring everything to equilibrium
But all effort is in vain
Love is in far place
Only the patient, find it
The impatient break it
The intolerant, remain loners
Despite all, love anyway.

THE IRONY OF LOVE

You love until the city becomes beautiful
You love until all the street lights have been lit
You love until all the stars have been counted
You love with everything you have
But this morning you wake up in a city you can't recognize
Its not the city that has gotten old
It's just that your hand no longer fits his
Perhaps its someone else's turn, to learn.

THE LESSONS I LEARNT IN UNIVERSITY

A few years ago, I got admitted to one of the national universities in my country, it was a great privilege and a big reward for my years of hard work in secondary school.
It was in July of 2011, that we reported for school. As a freshwoman (female first year student) so innocent, pure and naive, with other first year students we grouped ourselves as we wondered around, trying to understand  what we were seeing. Most of us from christian homes could not believe how free people were in doing what we deemed 'wrong'.

I started imagining my life in such a place, wondered how I would manage. This is a place where right seemed wrong, and wrong seemed right. Some people would move almost naked and this was very new to me considering the place I grew up from. See, this is a place where people could insult anyhow, pass disturbing comments about people, they would bully the inferior, laugh at people, make fun of serious situations, riots, and all. People with low self esteem would be very discouraged The confident needed to remain strong, the weak needed to find strength.

This is a place I had to call home for a number of years. I had to manage my life in this place and learnt quiet a number of things.

I discovered who I am, through the experiences, the successes, failures, I learnt how to fight and I discovered I am a warrior, who never relents. I found out that that it is actually okay to be comfortable with the uncomfortable, to leave your comfort zone.I began to recognize who I am & who I wan to be. I learned what my interests were, what I was most passionate about, and I even discovered talents that I never knew I had.

How to love and appreciate my grandmother even more. I understood her struggle and all what she had to go through to see me through university. The piece works she would do to just send me some money and food for upkeep. Am forever grateful.

How to cut a piece of cloth according to my size. I learnt to live within my means. I learnt to lead quiet life.I learnt the principles of budgeting.

I learnt the art of letting go. I met a number of people of on the way and some helped me grow and taught me lessons that will never forget. Some fell off on the way.And this has taught me to understand the process of letting go. Let go of negative energy, let go of fake people, let go of all the pain that life has caused me, let go of my sorrows, let go and LET GOD.

How to accept other people. I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. People who had views and opinions that were different from mine.  I grew to appreciate and respect those amazing cultural,and  perspective differences.

How to balance. University taught me to balance life. From academics, family, friends and personal life. It helped me have an organized life, and also put my priorities in order at any time.

How to manage my time. Knowing what is supposed to be done at what time. Develop a schedule for each program, from classes, to the library,to group discussions, to tutorials, to church, to work out, to play and have fun and time to myself.

How to dream. A lot of dreams were born in my dorm room. I realized that dreams don't just happen but you need to push and make things happen. I started my first small business in school and this gave birth to my entrepreneurship dream. I did a lot of research and it's helping even after leaving school. It's a skill of survivor. I'm glad I learned it. This and many more dreams were realized.

I learnt how to pray more, to speak less, listen more,create my own opportunities, stand for what I believe in,work hard and smart. I learnt that people will treat you based on what you accept from them. Lastly, I learnt to share my story to inspire someone, to give hope to the hopeless, and to encourage  the discouraged, saying what you put your mind on you will achieve. Believe, Believe and Believe.
#BEINSPIRED.

BOOKS:FRIENDLY THINGS TO OWN

The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers.

 

Lately I have been reading the novel 'The Atonement Child'. A book that brings  a new perspective to the most controversial topics of our times. It covers subjects like rape, abortion, Christianity, the sanctity of human life, tragedy, generational sins, marriage, parent-child relationship, sickness,selfishness,selflessness and unconditional love.

Basically, it covers  a story of a young female christian college student who had an organized life,engaged to a wonderful man. Everything seemed perfect and  then the unthinkable happened....


I recommend this book for all, find it and read it.

REBUILDING

When I look around, I realize how much there is to be rebuilt. Our cities, homes and lives needs rebuilding.

 

So many times, I have swallowed my voice when needed to speak out

Always loud in places I should be quiet

There are times that needed my voice to solve a situation, but I remained silent.

I lost my voice to fear.

Fear of being misunderstood.

This path has done more harm than good to my soul.

I need  rebuilding.

So many times I have hidden my smile even when it was needed to calm a situation

Even when it's needed to heal someone,I chose to hide it

Even when its needed to give someone hope I brushed it

I lost my smile to pride

I need rebuilding

So many times I needed to share my dream and inspire someone

I kept quiet

Many have lost their paths because I did not share mine

And the thought of this kills me everyday

I need rebuilding

So many times I have lost my way

When I needed  to gather courage and fight

I chose to close my eyes and let things be

Where is my confidence? 

I need rebuilding

As the colors slowly fade

in the world filled with changes

Let the rebuilding begin

Forgive yourself

Love yourself

Lay a brick of kindness

Trace your way back to your life again

Learn to laugh away the mourning

Find the missing pieces to complete the puzzle

Build strong walls of confidence to protect 

your voice,your smile,your dreams, your paths,your zeal,your courage

Stand up when you need to 

Talk when you have to 

Smile whenever you can

Share your dreams and inspire 

Make this world a better place to live in

Once lives have been rebuilt, homes, and cities too will be. 

#Inspiretoday.